Thursday, September 21, 2017

Kids say the darndest things

Alicia: (doing math):  I have to have an open array!
Me: Huh?  All we did was convert to an improper fraction, multiply, then convert back to a mixed number.
Alicia:  Yeah.  I know what that's called.  It's a traditional algorithm.

Me:  (crickets) ...


***


Alex sneezed and I said, "Gesundheit!" He thought I said, "Shoes and tie."



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The other day, I was quoting Vincent (when he was young) saying, "I'm changing schools like a hermit crab changes shells," and Alex thought I said, "...like Democrats are changing shelves." He was wondering why Democrats had to change shelves!



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"So what's your words of wisdom today?"
April: "I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do have words of whizz!" (She had to go to the bathroom)



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Paul sees Jane standing by herself outside.
Paul: What are you doing?
Jane: I'm in jail.
Paul: Why are you in jail?
Jane: Because I stole onions.
Paul: Why did you steal onions?
Jane: To keep people away from me!



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Me: Tomorrow is Friday the 13th.
April: (shrugs)
Me: it means bad luck.
April: is it because it's my birthday?
Me: No.
April: Is it because I'm the Queen of Terror?



*****

Took the granddaughters to dinner at Outback.  Here are some gems from the night:

........
The wait staff was passing out samples of calamari and Alicia asked me what it was.  I told her it was squid.  Jane looked up and said, "Is it dead?"
.........
Alicia accused April of "tooting" in her face.  April denied it.  Alicia ran down the walk about 10 feet and said, "It smells worse over here!"  So she turned around and ran in the other direction.  "I can still smell it," she said.  April's comment:  "You're being followed by the cloud of death."
...........
The girls decided to call the "Boppataxi" to take us home.  Paul asked Alicia if it was the Tijuana Taxi.  She said, "What?" He said, "Tijuana Taxi."  She said, "Yes, I wanna taxi!"

We overtipped the waitress! :-)


*****
Yesterday after I helped April with her math, I said, "Math can be kinda fun, huh?"  She answered, "Yeah, but not as fun as reading."



*****

Me:  What do you want for breakfast?
April:  4 sausages and 9 pancakes.
Me:  I don't think you can eat 9 pancakes.
April:  Okay.  Make me one pancake and cut it in nine pieces.



*****
Today April came running up to tell me that she and Alicia had touched the tortoise's shell.  I said, "But the signs say don't bother the tortoises."  She paused for a moment, then said, "Yeah ... but he didn't mind."


*****
When I told Jane I saw a pink bird, she asked, “Was it a tablespoon?” (roseate spoonbill)


*****

Today April (5 years old) told me she wanted to be a cop.  When I asked her why, her response was "I'm a prodigy. So I'll be a cop." At least she didn't say princess or actress.


*****

Yesterday, April and I were playing oversized badminton,when she stopped and said, "That's why I like playing with you.  You're so joyful!"



*****
Alex's last baseball game of the season. They won 7-6. While we were there, I bought fries for the girls to share. At the end of the game, Alicia came up to me whining. "I only got one fry. April got the rest." April turns to me, opens her eyes wide, and says, "Whoops!"





*****


When his mother asked him if something was dirty, this guy ran his finger over it and then declared, "Nope. It's clean as a rhino."

*****


This little girl saw a picture of our 16th president on the wall of my library, pointed to it and said, "Hey, look! It's Hammerhead Lincoln!"I

*****

When this guy found out his mom and dad were hosting Thanksgiving, he was worried. "Where are they all going to park?"

His mom said, "They can park on the driveway or the street, or if they have to, they can park in the yard."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "That's an awful lot of work," he replied.

*****

Alex told Alicia that Daddy had already left for work and she missed him. Alicia - "Daddy came in and gave me a kiss while I was sleeping"... Alex- "How do you know if you were sleeping?" Alicia- "I was sleeping, but my ears were on."



*****

Jane likes to say, with fist clenched, "give 'em a piece of your mind". It's from the "Expert" video her daddy plays for her.


****

April: Would you play some music? (in the car)
Paul moves as if to power the music on.
April: Not YOUR music, Boppa! It's too soothing!





*****

So my son Jeff was unpacking groceries and April (22 months) wanted to help. So he gave her a 9 pack of toilet paper and told her to put it next to the toilet. Next thing he hears her tell him something was stuck. He walked in, and she had put the whole 9 pack in the toilet and had tried to close the lid. Guess she needs to learn her prepositions! lol!




*****
"One day my voice WILL change. But now I sound like a little pip squeak mouse."~ April





*****


Me: April, put your stuff in your backpack. 
April: I'm going to color.
Me: Did you hear me
April: yeah. Blah blah blah.





*****


April had this subtraction problem for homework.
Susie had 5 radishes. She ate 3. How many does she have left?
April's answer: "I don't like radishes."  






*****
Alex: Where do sick animals go?
His answer: To the "farm"acy!


***** 

Me: coughing.
April: Are you okay?
Me: Yes. (Pause). Are you going to take care of me when I'm old?
April: You ARE old!

Reality bites.


*****

One spring break, my mother and I took the grandsons to the Marianna Caverns in north Florida.  As we were walking through the parking lot, we saw a solitary sneaker sitting on top of the rock.  The boys immediately began calling it the "Legendary Shoe", and did this:


*****

April tooted rather loudly on our way home from school. After we got into the house, I asked her if she needed to go to the bathroom.

April: No. 
Me: I thought you might need to because you tooted so loudly in the car.
April: No, I just fart randomly.



*****

Neighborhood girl's mother called across to her.
April: "What'd she say?"
Me: "I think she said that her toaster strudel was ready. Isn't that what she said?"
April: "I don't know. I'm not a mastermind."


*****

"I'm making this a time travel box so you can HURRY UP WITH MY FOOD!"~Jacob


*****

Alex had gotten a little car at McDonald's, and a part snapped off. I told him I could fix it when we got home. It took me all of 10 seconds to figure out what to do. So when I finished I said to him, "I'm a genius!" and he responded, quite somberly, "Because you're a librarian." LOL


*****
Jane was telling me that they watched a video about recycling and repurposing in class. She said "One lady made a vase, but she called it a 'vahz'." Then she giggled and said, "Like the Wizard of 'Vahz."


*****
So today April was telling me a story about Jeff, and she said, "So Daddy, also known as your son..."




*****
April drawing shapes.
Nee Nee: Can you draw a rhombus?
April: No.
Boppa: Can you draw a Remus (pun on Romulus)
April: No.

Nee Nee: Tell Boppa you're just pulling my leg now.

April: Boppa, you're just pulling Nee Nee's leg now.


*****
The boys discovered a new tongue twister. We were talking about why Canadian geese were called Canadian when they were in America. I told them (jokingly) they were now called "immigrant geese." They then challenged each other to say "immigrant geese" real fast 3 times.


***

One day after April went potty in our toilet, Paul told her not to flush. She stood outside the door as Paul went on to relieve himself in the same toilet. When he came out, April looked up to him and asked, "Why you pee on my pee?"


***





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