Thursday, September 21, 2017

Kids say the darndest things

Took the granddaughters to dinner at Outback.  Here are some gems from the night:

........
The wait staff was passing out samples of calamari and Alicia asked me what it was.  I told her it was squid.  Jane looked up and said, "Is it dead?"
.........
Alicia accused April of "tooting" in her face.  April denied it.  Alicia ran down the walk about 10 feet and said, "It smells worse over here!"  So she turned around and ran in the other direction.  "I can still smell it," she said.  April's comment:  "You're being followed by the cloud of death."
...........
The girls decided to call the "Boppataxi" to take us home.  Paul asked Alicia if it was the Tijuana Taxi.  She said, "What?" He said, "Tijuana Taxi."  She said, "Yes, I wanna taxi!"
..........
We overtipped the waitress! :-)

Yesterday after I helped April with her math, I said, "Math can be kinda fun,huh?"  She answered, "Yeah, but not as fun as reading."
*****


Me:  What do you want for breakfast?
April:  4 sausages and 9 pancakes.
Me:  I don't think you can eat 9 pancakes.
April:  Okay.  Make me one pancake and cut it in nine pieces.

*****
Today April came running up to tell me that she and Alicia had touched the tortoise's shell.  I said, "But the signs say don't bother the tortoises."  She paused for a moment, then said, "Yeah ... but he didn't mind."
*****
When I told Jane I saw a pink bird, she asked, “Was it a tablespoon?”
*****

Today April (5 years old) told me she wanted to be a cop.  When I asked her why, her response was "I'm a prodigy. So I'll be a cop." At least she didn't say princess or actress.
*****

Yesterday, April and I were playing oversized badminton,when she stopped and said, "That's why I like playing with you.  You're so joyful!"
*****
Alex's last baseball game of the season. They won 7-6. While we were there, I bought fries for the girls to share. At the end of the game, Alicia came up to me whining. "I only got one fry. April got the rest." April turns to me, opens her eyes wide, and says, "Whoops!"
*****
Paul sees Jane outside.
Jane: I'm in jail.
Paul: Why are you in jail?
Jane: For stealing onions.
Paul: Why did you steal onions?
Jane: To keep people away from me!

*****


When his mother asked him if something was dirty, this guy ran his finger over it and then declared, "Nope. It's clean as a rhino."

*****


This little girl saw a picture of our 16th president on the wall of my library, pointed to it and said, "Hey, look! It's Hammerhead Lincoln!"I

*****



When this guy found out his mom and dad were hosting Thanksgiving, he was worried. "Where are they all going to park?"

His mom said, "They can park on the driveway or the street, or if they have to, they can park in the yard."

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "That's an awful lot of work," he replied.

*****

Grandson told Granddaughter Daddy had already left for work and she missed him. Granddaughter - "Daddy came in and gave me a kiss while I was sleeping"... Grandson- "How do you know if you were sleeping?" Granddaughter - "I was sleeping, but my ears were on." 
*****

Little granddaughterl likes to say, with fist clenched, "give'em a piece of your mind". It's from the "Expert" video her daddy plays for her.

****

April: Would you play some music? (in the car)
Paul moves as if to power the music on.
April: Not YOUR music, Boppa! It's too soothing!


*****

So my son Jeff was unpacking groceries and April (22 months) wanted to help. So he gave her a 9 pack of toilet paper and told her to put it next to the toilet. Next thing he hears her tell him something was stuck. He walked in, and she had put the whole 9 pack in the toilet and had tried to close the lid. Guess she needs to learn her prepositions! lol!

*****

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